Day 1: June 24th

My current weight – 250

GOAL WEIGHT 190

I got fat.  I got depressed then ate chips, pretzels, vegan ice cream and I drank.  Since I wasn’t looking for a new partner I didn’t care.  I hate my body.  I hate myself.

Today – I am going to lose the weight and get rid of my depression.  It is the first day of my last chance.  If my body stops me or my brain stops me then I was not meant to be happy and I can leave this world knowing I gave it my best effort.  Every 7th day I will weigh myself.

I worked out today.  I went to the gym and worked with the trainer hard and did elliptical.  I ran only a mile I guess due to the trainer over working me.  Felt good for a while.  Walked two miles after. But my depression is still there.  I am still thinking of hurting myself.  This blog has let out a lot of emotions.  My kids or wife never checked if I was OK today.  They have their own lives and all I do is cause problems.  I know if I left this world they all would be better off.  But maybe this diet will open another door.

My meals:

Iced coffee, Plant Fusion 1 scoop and water, red apple, tangerine, power green salad (no dressing), raw broccoli, raw onions, carrots, celery, lightly cooked mushrooms and onion.  Oh, and raw unsalted almonds.  That’s all I ate today.  No dressing.  And I feel full.

1 day down, 323 to go until my 41st Birthday.  I made it to tomorrow.

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